2024: The Crash Out Year

Anyone else feel like 2024 was the crash-out year? Seriously, I feel like every month I was one second away from crashing out...

[Buckle your seatbelt, bookmark this post, save it for later, because this is a longer post that you may have to come back to a few times to finish. But sis, this one is worth the read!]

BUT [and I hate to be the one to say it], can we normalize admitting where we went wrong out loud? Not me claiming to love, trust, and have faith in God, but spending the majority of 2024 leaning way too much on my own understanding! My old ways of being too Miss Independent had me feeling like Satan and his little 1/3 of friends were jumping me at every corner! IYKYK (but if you don't, I'll go ahead and use this as a teaching moment: fun fact, that's how many angels were kicked out of heaven with Satan).

Okay, but sis, let me be the first to also say—those feelings are valid. 2024 was weird for me. I had my fun, but I also had a lot of struggles this year and was literally two seconds from crashing out in all aspects of my life. Stay with me; there’s a happy ending here, but first may I introduce to you: MY 2024 CRASH-OUT LIST

My Career

I let my career take up too much space in my heart. I’ve always been super career-driven, and for as long as I can remember, I have chased success. Now, I am doing much better with giving it to God, but every once in a while, I have to check myself because I may fall into idolizing it—and that’s exactly what I did in 2024. At what cost? My mental health!!

I’m talking anxious every month, feeling mentally drained, tired, and lacking motivation off and on for the majority of 2024. Long story short, my company was sold, and we were having mass layoffs back-to-back. Add the fact that the economy was crap, so one daily scroll on LinkedIn opened my eyes to how everyone else in marketing was struggling to find work, getting laid off, or losing their livelihood. GIRL, I’M ABOUT TO RIP MY WIG OFF JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS AGAIN.

So I was holding all this anxiety of the unknown—panicking about finding work before I lost my position next, trying to keep up with the amount of work being dumped on me, and dealing with a new boss who didn’t seem too excited about my work (though I had an amazing track record and reputation with the company, she didn’t seem to be a fan of me). I was swimming in doubt, fear, imposter syndrome, sadness, and guilt for all those who suddenly lost their jobs around me with no severance, benefits immediately cut off, and everything else! But here’s the gag that has me clutching my pearls:

Because my eyes were more focused on the natural instead of the spiritual, I couldn’t see how God had a shield of protection over me. This had been happening since 2023 and carried into 2024, yet I was blind to the fact that God kept me during each layoff. God gave me promotions in the midst of the crumbling of the company, and He gave me a pay raise in a crashing economy!

Whew, I’m literally shouting just thinking about it because how good is He to keep providing for me who is so undeserving? Not only that, He gave me several job offers and allowed me to gracefully walk away right when I reached my breaking point. I’m talking on a random Wednesday, I was fed up and ready to quit, and on Thursday, I got a job offer I couldn’t turn down!

I was too busy focusing on the storm, just like the disciples in Matthew Chapter 8. They were so worried about the storm they woke Jesus up, and Jesus simply said, "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!" Then He got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm."

I was literally in the storm freaking out because the storm seemed bigger—as if my God isn’t bigger. He literally said, how can we think He won’t provide for us when He provides for the birds? Ugh, I can’t believe I lost sight of God in the midst of the darkness.

My Love Life

I went into 2024 saying I wanted to meet my husband, and just like God is listening, so is the enemy. I truly felt like I was being teased, taunted, and sent counterfeits all year long. And ya know what? "That had me crying all night"

And can I be so real right now? A heart-to-heart with all my complicated lover girls—it sucks constantly being on a rollercoaster of “Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t,” or “Maybe I’m ready, maybe I’m not.” It’s very hard not to be frustrated with God. But if there’s one thing 2024 has taught me, it’s that God’s timing is also God’s protection (I mean, just look at the above with my career).

I just know God is doing things that I can’t see or that I’m too blind to appreciate right now. And ya girl is trying to remember to just keep looking at Him in the storm.

Grad School and Work Life Balance

Being a grad student and a full-time employee is not for the weak. And I know we already talked about the whole career thing, but it started to affect my entire life. I had no energy to give to grad school, and it took everything in me to push through.

At the time, I didn’t know how I actually made it happen, but I truly thank the strength of God because that’s literally my only explanation. I should have flunked out, truthfully, but somehow managed to maintain all A’s.

Speaking of grad school, having to pay out of pocket—and again trying to do it all on my own—I ended up getting a seasonal part-time job that I absolutely loved. But I found myself drowning and being consumed. Between my full-time job, part-time job, and school, I quite literally had no time for anything else.

Honestly, the list can go on and on, but these seem like the biggest factors that depleted me. Now, as 2024 has ended and I reflect, I realize there is one thing all these have in common: I tried to do it all alone.

I tried to make a plan, keep pushing, and give people chances they didn’t deserve—all because stubborn, Miss Independent me thought I knew what was best.

Now that I’ve had the holidays to take a nice break and clear my mind, I know in 2025 I don’t want to leave God out of anything anymore. I want my eyes to be on Him. I want Him to order my steps, and I just want to be at peace even in the midst of the storm. Because the storms of 2024 felt really heavy—but they didn’t have to be. And I hope everyone reading this realizes that too. The storm will come, but it doesn’t have to be heavy. God can carry the weight for you, just like He did for me. Don’t drown in rotten fruit that is not of God—fear, doubt, imposter syndrome, etc.

Let’s leave the crash-outs in 2024.

Happy New Year!